16 March 2011

Yesterday, I found out that the LOI (letter of intent) I submitted for an older child in China was rejected and I will not get PA (Preliminary acceptance) because of my age. I meet or exceed all of the requirements for the new single adoption except that I am too old by four years to adopt this particular child. And no waiver. At least for me.

I am heart broken. Four years too old seems much too small an amount of time to deprive a child who will be turning 11 in less than two weeks, who has been on waiting kid lists for more than a year with no interest, and who would have been a lovely daughter and sister in my family.

But there you have it. Of course, the rules might change in the coming months or the next year. In that case, I might be granted a waiver, but it will not be for this child, who will remain waiting on a list thousands of children long and whose special need and late abandonment have probably scared many families away. I am disappointed and feel sorry for myself and for Julia, but even more, I am very sorry for this child who will not have us. We could have been her family.

Last night and early this morning, I was really considering crawling back into my rather comfortable life. I was working on my final LEND presentation and reflexively thinking about what I should do for next year. After the rejection, I was angry and started thinking about living for myself and my family and friends. That little pot of money saved for adoption could fund a very nice vacation -- well, more like 3 vacations. Or some extravagance in the house renovation. Or, I don't even know -- something that had no strings attached to generosity. Generosity in a cosmic sense. That generosity that I've resolved to embrace, that I feel most happy when I am embracing. Why take more schooling about children in need, why look for work addressing the needs of children, why push to create something that would address those needs. Why not just concentrate on Julia -- "cure" her and move on to something much more fun.

Okay, I am not stewing for days about this. Not even hours. Just what was running through my head as I assembled my draft powerpoint. Then I read another blog post: Choosing to be Uncomfortable (http://www.wearegraftedin.com/2272/choosing-to-be-uncomfortable/). It was a quick slap on the cheek, a bucket of cold water, a shoulder shake. Of course, I cannot forget those kids! Those kids that are forgotten by so many fuel me with such a passion. Maybe it is not as easy as adopting one more -- as if that is easy. There is something that I need to be doing. Just need to find out what that is.

9 comments:

Snickerdoodle said...

Is there another agency that will go to bat for you? 4 years seems like such a short overage thing!

Is there such a thing as an appeal procedure, or isn't that done with China. I can't remember.

Best,
Snick :)

Hope for Elisyn said...

I agree, I have heard some agencies will go to bat over others. I am so sorry, it breaks my heart that there are such amazing families that because of this or that will never be able to grow their families . . and in the end it is the children who are left suffering. :(

Suz said...

I think I had the best advocate that I could have. So, I don't think there is another option right now. Especially for this child who will go on the big SN list again.

Bobbi Jo said...

Darn it!! I immediately thought of you when I heard the news about opening up to singles again. I wondered if it would change your situation. So sorry that it didn't! Hopefully you can get around the issue...I agree, 4 years is not a big deal!

Mike said...

Sad. Most likely Mei will not get another chance.

mom and girls said...

Suzanne, I am so sorry you got a rejection. My LOI is going in next week or week after. I don't expect any miracles. Single mom with 4 kids is way too many for them!! But it is ok for them to grant waivers to families who adopt 8, 9, 10 kids or more. I don't get it.

Sara said...

That is really odd....I know the agency we used for Q, (WACAP) frequently sends us emails regarding SN children, and many things are waivered(age, being single, large families etc.)..due to the children running out of time . How sad!! That is just crazy, you and Julia would be perfect for this little girl.

Keep poking, or write a letter, SOMETIMES they change their minds. I know it's very rare, but you never know.

Anonymous said...

My hunch, having hung around Chinese adoptions for about 15 years, is they will follow the rules very closely at first. Two weeks ago, you were OK, they were looking at singles very individually. Now they have rules, guidelines, and they will follow them. They have a real thing about singles. Eventually, they will get more flexible....which doesn't help you or this little girl one iota. Drat.

Mike said...

If true, news that Mei may be on the shared list is good news. I didn't expect that. Hope someone wants her.