We went to our Chinese New Year party today with the local FCC. Lots of families, lots of Chinese children even a few boys, lots of very normal acting children. Sigh.
Thursday night, Julia announced that she was going to wear Chinese clothes to the New Year's party. Okay, I thought. She had nothing left from our China trip, so I thought I'd pick something up in town on Friday. BUT there are no stores in Madison that sell Chinese cothes. I did meet a very nice Chinese woman who runs a very local "Oriental Store" with mostly food stuffs. She told me that she goes to Chicago at least once a week and the next time I want some clothing or anything she could find in China town, she would pick it up. Nice to know.
Anyway, back to the clothes search. I email my friend Cathy who has 4 lovely and older Chinese daughters, and bingo, I had Chinese clothes! Cathy dropped off three dresses on Friday and Julia had a choice of what to wear to the party. She chose the one which fit the best -- nice choice on her part. A light blue traditional Chinese dress which was a bit long on her but made her look . . . well, like some romantic picture of a Chinese girl. Julia wanted high pig tails with her special ribbons and we even put on lip stick. Julia's mother who never wears make up put some on her own lips. LOL. Julia was surprised.
Julia, of course, never acted like she really wanted the Chinese dresses when Cathy and her girls came over. She does love Cathy's girls but they did overwhelm her. She finally . . sort of recognized one of the girls. Recognized is not the right word, maybe processed or was able to acknowledge. She was unable to really deal with having them over for a surprise visit. I now wonder how many times this had happened when I did not notice.
Julia was overjoyed to have a choice of dresses today. And after we dress and did her hair as she wanted it, she looked at herself in the mirror and told me she was a Chinese girl. She was so proud. It made me very happy.
The Fitchburh Civic Center was full when we got there and Julia immediately ran off to try to talk to girls. There was a whole group of girls in one corner who were getting ready to perform for the rest of us. All those lovely children in red Chinese costumes and my dear little one in sky blue. Well, there is a metaphor for sure. Julia loved watching the dancing girls and the girls who played the small red drums. Last year, watching similar performances, I told Julia that one day she would dance like those girls or play the drums if she wanted to. I did not say that this year. I don't know if she will ever do that. If she regulates enough to follow directions, we could try but she still needs to be within the appropriate age range. It makes me sad that Julia is not like all those others, or at least most of those others, but she is who she is.
We met up with a family who has a Chinese daughter who is Julia's age and who is also on the spectrum. We talked about therapies, playgroups, and school. Our own subset within the whole.
31 January 2009
Saturday morning report
Ach! This is what happens when I don't write for a few days. I feel too far behind to know where to begin. I am also behind in other work – my notes to Paul about the last QEC meeting are late, I need to read 2 books by Monday for the social skills group, and the house once again is out of control.
I am writing during swimming. A father just picked up a little girl (probably 8) who didn't want to go into the pool and threw her in. Her fear, her stiff body, her cry telegraphed outward. She is being taught by the same guy that Julia had last year and he now has her in his arms telling her not to worry. That he is there to catch her. That he will not let her go. What her father did was clearly wrong.
Julia is noticing people in a different way. Amy gave her a chap stick which is a bit pink. Julia loves it. She told Amy that I don't wear lip stick and that I don't dress nicely because I have to work in the house. Ummmm. So she has noticed the same jeans and comfortable but ratty sweat shirt that I wear day to day. That same day, I picked Julia up right from an interview – so I was dressed in “nice” clothes. Julia looked me up and down and told me that I was beautiful. I was grateful for her comment, her thought, and her observation, but was she hoping that I would do it more often? Before we went into the pool, Julia told me that Linda was very pretty.
We are doing cuddling every day and our eye-to-eye contact a few times each day. And we stopped listening therapy to see what the Attachment therapy does. Julia is more fidgety at home and in school. Kimberly, our speech therapist noticed it too – Still, in speech therapy, Julia did very well with the sequencing cards and the cards in which something is wrong (bird flying upside down or ladder with the middle missing). She also asked Kimberly to color part of a drawing that she was making. Carol, Julia old speech therapist, worked hard on these activities and it did not often show. I think of this as taking a long time to sink in; I don't know if this is what is called a processing disorder. Kimberly and Annie are consulting about Julia – this is a great part of the clinic experience and in a perfect world there would be money and time for all of a child's caregivers and teachers to get together to consult on every child. Anyway, Kimberly does not yet understand Julia – of course, no one else does either. She used terms like non-linear thinker.
Being in class yesterday with Julia and watching where the other kids are are where Julia is can be disheartening. Christy was presenting a short lesson on reading numbers using manipulative's. Julia can just about count to 20 and then all in single blocks. She is no where ready for rows of 10's and blocks of 100's. Another disheartening thing this week, Christy asked me for a list of the sight words that we have been working on at home. Our list has 32 words and at home, Julia knows about 28 of those cold with the other needing some prompting. She could not recognize any when Christy tested her in the classroom, and in the library (significantly quieter), Julia recognized 6. Sometimes when we work at home, I put the words in a very short story or have her write the sight words as I dictate them. We have to do more of that to move her from specific knowledge to something more generalized.
In the water, Julia is listening better that during some weeks and she is calmer about doing what is asked of her, but she is still far from proficient at what she is being taught. It drives me crazy that it takes so long for her to learn anything, but then I see her floating on her back and kicking in approximately the correct way and my heart swells.
In other “news”, my butt is getting better. Still in pain, but not as debilitating. I can bend down to pick something up without seeing the white light.
Julia is trying the back stroke and actually getting her arms out of the water.
A beautiful young woman with red hair in a very cool short spiky cut sits next to me. She has a 3 year old girl on her lap. They are obviously waiting for an older sib during the swimming lesson. The mom is explaining to the little one that they are going to drive to Massachusetts, That it will take 10 hours, that it will take a whole day. From the questions the little on is asking, she understand more of what was said that Julia usually does. And she is definitely a linear thinker.
This afternoon -- Chinese New Year party!
I am writing during swimming. A father just picked up a little girl (probably 8) who didn't want to go into the pool and threw her in. Her fear, her stiff body, her cry telegraphed outward. She is being taught by the same guy that Julia had last year and he now has her in his arms telling her not to worry. That he is there to catch her. That he will not let her go. What her father did was clearly wrong.
Julia is noticing people in a different way. Amy gave her a chap stick which is a bit pink. Julia loves it. She told Amy that I don't wear lip stick and that I don't dress nicely because I have to work in the house. Ummmm. So she has noticed the same jeans and comfortable but ratty sweat shirt that I wear day to day. That same day, I picked Julia up right from an interview – so I was dressed in “nice” clothes. Julia looked me up and down and told me that I was beautiful. I was grateful for her comment, her thought, and her observation, but was she hoping that I would do it more often? Before we went into the pool, Julia told me that Linda was very pretty.
We are doing cuddling every day and our eye-to-eye contact a few times each day. And we stopped listening therapy to see what the Attachment therapy does. Julia is more fidgety at home and in school. Kimberly, our speech therapist noticed it too – Still, in speech therapy, Julia did very well with the sequencing cards and the cards in which something is wrong (bird flying upside down or ladder with the middle missing). She also asked Kimberly to color part of a drawing that she was making. Carol, Julia old speech therapist, worked hard on these activities and it did not often show. I think of this as taking a long time to sink in; I don't know if this is what is called a processing disorder. Kimberly and Annie are consulting about Julia – this is a great part of the clinic experience and in a perfect world there would be money and time for all of a child's caregivers and teachers to get together to consult on every child. Anyway, Kimberly does not yet understand Julia – of course, no one else does either. She used terms like non-linear thinker.
Being in class yesterday with Julia and watching where the other kids are are where Julia is can be disheartening. Christy was presenting a short lesson on reading numbers using manipulative's. Julia can just about count to 20 and then all in single blocks. She is no where ready for rows of 10's and blocks of 100's. Another disheartening thing this week, Christy asked me for a list of the sight words that we have been working on at home. Our list has 32 words and at home, Julia knows about 28 of those cold with the other needing some prompting. She could not recognize any when Christy tested her in the classroom, and in the library (significantly quieter), Julia recognized 6. Sometimes when we work at home, I put the words in a very short story or have her write the sight words as I dictate them. We have to do more of that to move her from specific knowledge to something more generalized.
In the water, Julia is listening better that during some weeks and she is calmer about doing what is asked of her, but she is still far from proficient at what she is being taught. It drives me crazy that it takes so long for her to learn anything, but then I see her floating on her back and kicking in approximately the correct way and my heart swells.
In other “news”, my butt is getting better. Still in pain, but not as debilitating. I can bend down to pick something up without seeing the white light.
Julia is trying the back stroke and actually getting her arms out of the water.
A beautiful young woman with red hair in a very cool short spiky cut sits next to me. She has a 3 year old girl on her lap. They are obviously waiting for an older sib during the swimming lesson. The mom is explaining to the little one that they are going to drive to Massachusetts, That it will take 10 hours, that it will take a whole day. From the questions the little on is asking, she understand more of what was said that Julia usually does. And she is definitely a linear thinker.
This afternoon -- Chinese New Year party!
Saturday morning report
Ach! This is what happens when I don't write for a few days. I feel too far behind to know where to begin. I am also behind in other work – my notes to Paul about the last QEC meeting are late, I need to read 2 books by Monday for the social skills group, and the house once again is out of control.
I am writing during swimming. A father just picked up a little girl (probably 8) who didn't want to go into the pool and threw her in. Her fear, her stiff body, her cry telegraphed outward. She is being taught by the same guy that Julia had last year and he now has her in his arms telling her not to worry. That he is there to catch her. That he will not let her go. What her father did was clearly wrong.
Julia is noticing people in a different way. Amy gave her a chap stick which is a bit pink. Julia loves it. She told Amy that I don't wear lip stick and that I don't dress nicely because I have to work in the house. Ummmm. So she has noticed the same jeans and comfortable but ratty sweat shirt that I wear day to day. That same day, I picked Julia up right from an interview – so I was dressed in “nice” clothes. Julia looked me up and down and told me that I was beautiful. I was grateful for her comment, her thought, and her observation, but was she hoping that I would do it more often? Before we went into the pool, Julia told me that Linda was very pretty.
We are doing cuddling every day and our eye-to-eye contact a few times each day. And we stopped listening therapy to see what the Attachment therapy does. Julia is more fidgety at home and in school. Kimberly, our speech therapist noticed it too – Still, in speech therapy, Julia did very well with the sequencing cards and the cards in which something is wrong (bird flying upside down or ladder with the middle missing). She also asked Kimberly to color part of a drawing that she was making. Carol, Julia old speech therapist, worked hard on these activities and it did not often show. I think of this as taking a long time to sink in; I don't know if this is what is called a processing disorder. Kimberly and Annie are consulting about Julia – this is a great part of the clinic experience and in a perfect world there would be money and time for all of a child's caregivers and teachers to get together to consult on every child. Anyway, Kimberly does not yet understand Julia – of course, no one else does either. She used terms like non-linear thinker.
Being in class yesterday with Julia and watching where the other kids are are where Julia is can be disheartening. Christy was presenting a short lesson on reading numbers using manipulative's. Julia can just about count to 20 and then all in single blocks. She is no where ready for rows of 10's and blocks of 100's. Another disheartening thing this week, Christy asked me for a list of the sight words that we have been working on at home. Our list has 32 words and at home, Julia knows about 28 of those cold with the other needing some prompting. She could not recognize any when Christy tested her in the classroom, and in the library (significantly quieter), Julia recognized 6. Sometimes when we work at home, I put the words in a very short story or have her write the sight words as I dictate them. We have to do more of that to move her from specific knowledge to something more generalized.
In the water, Julia is listening better that during some weeks and she is calmer about doing what is asked of her, but she is still far from proficient at what she is being taught. It drives me crazy that it takes so long for her to learn anything, but then I see her floating on her back and kicking in approximately the correct way and my heart swells.
In other “news”, my butt is getting better. Still in pain, but not as debilitating. I can bend down to pick something up without seeing the white light.
Julia is trying the back stroke and actually getting her arms out of the water.
A beautiful young woman with red hair in a very cool short spiky cut sits next to me. She has a 3 year old girl on her lap. They are obviously waiting for an older sib during the swimming lesson. The mom is explaining to the little one that they are going to drive to Massachusetts, That it will take 10 hours, that it will take a whole day. From the questions the little on is asking, she understand more of what was said that Julia usually does. And she is definitely a linear thinker.
This afternoon -- Chinese New Year party!
I am writing during swimming. A father just picked up a little girl (probably 8) who didn't want to go into the pool and threw her in. Her fear, her stiff body, her cry telegraphed outward. She is being taught by the same guy that Julia had last year and he now has her in his arms telling her not to worry. That he is there to catch her. That he will not let her go. What her father did was clearly wrong.
Julia is noticing people in a different way. Amy gave her a chap stick which is a bit pink. Julia loves it. She told Amy that I don't wear lip stick and that I don't dress nicely because I have to work in the house. Ummmm. So she has noticed the same jeans and comfortable but ratty sweat shirt that I wear day to day. That same day, I picked Julia up right from an interview – so I was dressed in “nice” clothes. Julia looked me up and down and told me that I was beautiful. I was grateful for her comment, her thought, and her observation, but was she hoping that I would do it more often? Before we went into the pool, Julia told me that Linda was very pretty.
We are doing cuddling every day and our eye-to-eye contact a few times each day. And we stopped listening therapy to see what the Attachment therapy does. Julia is more fidgety at home and in school. Kimberly, our speech therapist noticed it too – Still, in speech therapy, Julia did very well with the sequencing cards and the cards in which something is wrong (bird flying upside down or ladder with the middle missing). She also asked Kimberly to color part of a drawing that she was making. Carol, Julia old speech therapist, worked hard on these activities and it did not often show. I think of this as taking a long time to sink in; I don't know if this is what is called a processing disorder. Kimberly and Annie are consulting about Julia – this is a great part of the clinic experience and in a perfect world there would be money and time for all of a child's caregivers and teachers to get together to consult on every child. Anyway, Kimberly does not yet understand Julia – of course, no one else does either. She used terms like non-linear thinker.
Being in class yesterday with Julia and watching where the other kids are are where Julia is can be disheartening. Christy was presenting a short lesson on reading numbers using manipulative's. Julia can just about count to 20 and then all in single blocks. She is no where ready for rows of 10's and blocks of 100's. Another disheartening thing this week, Christy asked me for a list of the sight words that we have been working on at home. Our list has 32 words and at home, Julia knows about 28 of those cold with the other needing some prompting. She could not recognize any when Christy tested her in the classroom, and in the library (significantly quieter), Julia recognized 6. Sometimes when we work at home, I put the words in a very short story or have her write the sight words as I dictate them. We have to do more of that to move her from specific knowledge to something more generalized.
In the water, Julia is listening better that during some weeks and she is calmer about doing what is asked of her, but she is still far from proficient at what she is being taught. It drives me crazy that it takes so long for her to learn anything, but then I see her floating on her back and kicking in approximately the correct way and my heart swells.
In other “news”, my butt is getting better. Still in pain, but not as debilitating. I can bend down to pick something up without seeing the white light.
Julia is trying the back stroke and actually getting her arms out of the water.
A beautiful young woman with red hair in a very cool short spiky cut sits next to me. She has a 3 year old girl on her lap. They are obviously waiting for an older sib during the swimming lesson. The mom is explaining to the little one that they are going to drive to Massachusetts, That it will take 10 hours, that it will take a whole day. From the questions the little on is asking, she understand more of what was said that Julia usually does. And she is definitely a linear thinker.
This afternoon -- Chinese New Year party!
28 January 2009
small doings
A few days ago Julia told me that one of her pets was best friends with another of the pets. She has been talking about friends, brothers, and sisters among her pet (LPS) often. I noticed, wondering where it came up -- Julia is very open about the issues she is working on. Sure enought, yesterday, once my head cleared, Christy told me that Cynthia, the skating whizz, has been saying that Julia is her best friend. Oh, if I could only get inside Julia's head and find out what she thinks about this. Then again, if she could just talk about it . . .
David is getting frustrated with Julia's answer when she doesn't want to answer our questions. She say, "don't talk!" Rather rude and it is rather effective at halting conversation. I suggested that we try my meeting of the eyes with this as well as when she gets angry.
Getting to school this morning, I loaded Julia in the car and she was telling me I was stupid. Here I am half in the car, getting the seat belt on with my painful butt hanging out in the cold. I took up her face and started counting, making her meet my eyes as much as I could. She hit me, I started counting again (and only to 10). As I got closer to 10, she pinched my cheeks. I started again. This went on for awhile. I think I started over at 1 at least 6 times. Then we kissed and she was ready to go to school. HOWEVER, my poor aching butt had been hanging out in the cold all that time and boy, was it hard to stand up. LOL.
I do feel better today and I am hoping that the hot bath I am going to treat myself to will also help. That ice was sure hard!
One more thing, although we get frustrated when Julia tells us to keep quiet, she is making an attempt to answer more questions. Interestingly, even when she does not know the answer. This is something that she would have never done last year. David asked her a question about the name of a fairy this morning, and we could watch Julia think about it. She did not come up with the answer until David prompted her, but she was actively trying.
David is getting frustrated with Julia's answer when she doesn't want to answer our questions. She say, "don't talk!" Rather rude and it is rather effective at halting conversation. I suggested that we try my meeting of the eyes with this as well as when she gets angry.
Getting to school this morning, I loaded Julia in the car and she was telling me I was stupid. Here I am half in the car, getting the seat belt on with my painful butt hanging out in the cold. I took up her face and started counting, making her meet my eyes as much as I could. She hit me, I started counting again (and only to 10). As I got closer to 10, she pinched my cheeks. I started again. This went on for awhile. I think I started over at 1 at least 6 times. Then we kissed and she was ready to go to school. HOWEVER, my poor aching butt had been hanging out in the cold all that time and boy, was it hard to stand up. LOL.
I do feel better today and I am hoping that the hot bath I am going to treat myself to will also help. That ice was sure hard!
One more thing, although we get frustrated when Julia tells us to keep quiet, she is making an attempt to answer more questions. Interestingly, even when she does not know the answer. This is something that she would have never done last year. David asked her a question about the name of a fairy this morning, and we could watch Julia think about it. She did not come up with the answer until David prompted her, but she was actively trying.
27 January 2009
Skating
Good news: Julia did pretty well. It was hard and she slipped around some. We used a little walker and she scooted around the lake with little trouble. She is mostly shuffling but getting in some gliding as well. This was a class skating arty and Julia loved being there with kids and teachers that she knew. She and another little sprite from her class, Cynthia, who was also wearing skates for the first time, suffled, stepped, and glided around. Falling, at times, but learning to get up and start again. I was very excited to see that Julia did not lose her enthusiam even though it was hard. She perservered and seemed to really enjoy the trial and error learning. By the time we came in, she was really cold and rosey.
Bad news: After getting Julia on the ice and making sure one of her teachers would watch her, I put on skates. I have not been on skates for a few years, but not that long. I took a few steps and about three feet from the side of the lake, my feet went out from under me and I landed very hard on my butt. I went further back, hit my head on the ice and saw stars.
Tonight, I am stiff and hurting and getting a lot of couch time. I hope it is better tomorrow.
Bad news: After getting Julia on the ice and making sure one of her teachers would watch her, I put on skates. I have not been on skates for a few years, but not that long. I took a few steps and about three feet from the side of the lake, my feet went out from under me and I landed very hard on my butt. I went further back, hit my head on the ice and saw stars.
Tonight, I am stiff and hurting and getting a lot of couch time. I hope it is better tomorrow.
26 January 2009
Tuesday
Okay, another new header and background. I need to fiddle with it to make the new pictures come out right. I want to learn more but get caught up playing with pictures and elements and colors of backgrounds. Sort of like painting.
Working with Julia tonight, I felt some frustration and tried to work through it for myself. Julia and I worked with her pets, counting and then telling me how many pets she had. She could do this last week but tonight she had a very hard time keeping the number in her head between the time that she counted the pets until she said, "I have __ pets." Is it memory? Is it distraction? Is it concentration? Well she ever understand numbers?
So that worried me.
And then we did some writing work. Julia wrote as I dictated words ending in "at." I went through all the small words I could think of and Julia dutifully wrote them out. What she didn't get to was that all the words had something in common. She sounded out each word as if it was totally different from the word before.
I know that there is great progress in that she will sound out and spell the words but she is not making any connections. I don't know if I have to spell out the connection very plainly or continue to work with rhyming words until she makes the connection for herself.
We have been doing our looking into each other's eyes many times a day, each time Julia begins to get angry, each time she grabs me in anger, each time she tries or threatens to hurt the dog. Sometimes she tells me she doesn't want to look in my eyes. Sometimes she tells me it hurts. Sometimes she tries to hit or scratch me. Many times she goes from anger to smiling at me as I count. She puckers up to kiss me when I am finished counting.
We have also be cuddling every day very deliberately. Julia does not protest and she wants to hug and be close. She arches her back sometimes like a young child. She tries to keep me on at arms length -- some of her affection superficial. Is she fighting a deeper relationship? At times, I feel like I am fighting for that deeper relationship. But the fight is quiet and gentle. I do hope we win.
Working with Julia tonight, I felt some frustration and tried to work through it for myself. Julia and I worked with her pets, counting and then telling me how many pets she had. She could do this last week but tonight she had a very hard time keeping the number in her head between the time that she counted the pets until she said, "I have __ pets." Is it memory? Is it distraction? Is it concentration? Well she ever understand numbers?
So that worried me.
And then we did some writing work. Julia wrote as I dictated words ending in "at." I went through all the small words I could think of and Julia dutifully wrote them out. What she didn't get to was that all the words had something in common. She sounded out each word as if it was totally different from the word before.
I know that there is great progress in that she will sound out and spell the words but she is not making any connections. I don't know if I have to spell out the connection very plainly or continue to work with rhyming words until she makes the connection for herself.
We have been doing our looking into each other's eyes many times a day, each time Julia begins to get angry, each time she grabs me in anger, each time she tries or threatens to hurt the dog. Sometimes she tells me she doesn't want to look in my eyes. Sometimes she tells me it hurts. Sometimes she tries to hit or scratch me. Many times she goes from anger to smiling at me as I count. She puckers up to kiss me when I am finished counting.
We have also be cuddling every day very deliberately. Julia does not protest and she wants to hug and be close. She arches her back sometimes like a young child. She tries to keep me on at arms length -- some of her affection superficial. Is she fighting a deeper relationship? At times, I feel like I am fighting for that deeper relationship. But the fight is quiet and gentle. I do hope we win.
24 January 2009
Saturday
Last night, two friends took me to the Bartell Theater to see Blasphemy! An Unholy Trinity of Musical Comedies, a wickedly funny, albeit tasting somewhat of community theater, show. Yes, we laughed at parodies of Bush and Palin and Adam and Eve. A good conservative, religious Republican might not have laughed as hard as we did, but there was enough ragging on Al Gore to please even someone from the far right. It was a great way to being a new year.
Julia enjoyed singing happy birthday and sang it a number of times, and she was so enthusiatic about my present that she wanted to open it herself.
That and cheese cake to go with Indian food. What a perfect birthday!
Today, we went to see the mime in the Rotunda. This guy was pretty good. He did a sketch with a rock that was excellent. Julia's behavior during the show was very good. She sat, she enjoyed, she laughed, and commented much more quietly than she has before. It might be time to start buying tickets to kid shows.
Julia is slowly becoming my friend again. I got a spontaneous hug today and she went upstairs willingly with me tonight. I know I am the one who demands work and good behavior of her, and for the last few months, she has been prickly with me. I don't take it personally but there are times when it seemed like an awful lot of mother work for little affection. I could use a turn around even if it doesn't last long.
We tried cuddling as per Marilyn's instructions today (although I never asked Marilyn how long is optimal) and it was okay. We did it yesterday as well, and yesterday, Julia was pretty willing because it was a novelty. Today, she caught on that we are going to do this often, and was not as cooperative. We had some soft candies from the Y left over so I used those to break up the enforced embrace. I made the rule that she could have a sweet but she had to look in my eyes while it was in her mouth. She doesn't like my rules but she did it. The eye contact seems to be hard on her but she is coping with it, both during cuddling and when she is getting mad and I count as we lock eyes. We did a bit of singing and peek-a-boo. I don't necessarily think we've found anything new yet. She tried to squirm out of my arms and complains some, but she is not putting up much of a fuss. If she did, I would let her go.
Julia enjoyed singing happy birthday and sang it a number of times, and she was so enthusiatic about my present that she wanted to open it herself.
That and cheese cake to go with Indian food. What a perfect birthday!
Today, we went to see the mime in the Rotunda. This guy was pretty good. He did a sketch with a rock that was excellent. Julia's behavior during the show was very good. She sat, she enjoyed, she laughed, and commented much more quietly than she has before. It might be time to start buying tickets to kid shows.
Julia is slowly becoming my friend again. I got a spontaneous hug today and she went upstairs willingly with me tonight. I know I am the one who demands work and good behavior of her, and for the last few months, she has been prickly with me. I don't take it personally but there are times when it seemed like an awful lot of mother work for little affection. I could use a turn around even if it doesn't last long.
We tried cuddling as per Marilyn's instructions today (although I never asked Marilyn how long is optimal) and it was okay. We did it yesterday as well, and yesterday, Julia was pretty willing because it was a novelty. Today, she caught on that we are going to do this often, and was not as cooperative. We had some soft candies from the Y left over so I used those to break up the enforced embrace. I made the rule that she could have a sweet but she had to look in my eyes while it was in her mouth. She doesn't like my rules but she did it. The eye contact seems to be hard on her but she is coping with it, both during cuddling and when she is getting mad and I count as we lock eyes. We did a bit of singing and peek-a-boo. I don't necessarily think we've found anything new yet. She tried to squirm out of my arms and complains some, but she is not putting up much of a fuss. If she did, I would let her go.
22 January 2009
My own new year
I started this yesterday -- Thursday -- but once again thought I would finish it after Julia went to bed and fell asleep.
Lindsey, Julia's violin teacher, is introducing Julia to notes this weeks. She is using puzzle pieces for whole, half, and quarter notes and their numerical value. Julia is still hard to keep attention with Lindsey but Lindsey presses on; I intervene when necessary. Julia wants to learn but she is impulsive and it is hard to keep her on task. Amazingly, Julia retains a good deal of what Lindsey says and does.
New concepts today:
up (v) and down (n) bow
staff and treble cleff
whole, half, and quarter notes
Is this the true measure of Julia's fear of learning? Julia likes Lindsey and she would love to direct the entire lesson.
Some things from this week:
While the dentist was looking at Julia's teeth and giving me a referral for an oral surgeon (because Julia has an extra tooth up in her gum in the front of her mouth), he asked how old she was. I told him and he told me that her tooth maturity is a bit more than a year behind where most kids are. Every so often I wonder if I should pursue Julia's age. There are tests that can be done on bones. Especially considering how she and Abby are virtually the same size and Abby is supposed to be almost two year younger. But the number age matters very little.
Today, in speech therapy, Julia was able to do nine 3-card sequences. She was generally able to put each three in order and tell the story. She does not have all the words she needed to tell compete stories at times, but she had a good time putting them in order and talking about the cards. This is so different from last year when she had to almost be tied down to put a single set in order.
Julia and her new speech teacher has clicked very quickly.
And now yesterday, with out attachment therapist. Pretty cool! We spent about a hour and a half with her. We had some paper work for insurance to fill out. Then we talked about therapy goals, methods, and of course, lots about Julia. Marilyn gave me some reading and I asked her about the Beyond Consequences book which seems to advocate the oposite of traditional attachment therapy. She admitted that she hadn't read the whole book but told me that if I found anything useful in it, to bring it to her attention. I did not mean to confront her with a method that criticizes what she does but I know I have done the same thing before. Oh, how I hate the status quo.
We are going to work on cuddling on my or David's terms -- holding Julia like a baby and trying to have fun with her for awhile. When Julia feels like doing this, we can do it for a good long time. Doing it on our terms instead of hers will be a bit of a challenge. We did it this afternoon for the first time. She squirmed and protested some, she became comfortable and enjoyed it some, and she couldn't wait to get up some. We will see how she does and what we discover.
This morning there was an all-school concert at Franklin. Julia sang about 6 songs with all of the K and some first graders. She very willingly and without much encouragement stood on the risers with her class and generally paid attention. (She was not willing to even stand with her camp group during camp performances last summer). She sang 2 of the songs, she clapped and moved her hands for most of the songs. A small step forward but a definite step.
Lindsey, Julia's violin teacher, is introducing Julia to notes this weeks. She is using puzzle pieces for whole, half, and quarter notes and their numerical value. Julia is still hard to keep attention with Lindsey but Lindsey presses on; I intervene when necessary. Julia wants to learn but she is impulsive and it is hard to keep her on task. Amazingly, Julia retains a good deal of what Lindsey says and does.
New concepts today:
up (v) and down (n) bow
staff and treble cleff
whole, half, and quarter notes
Is this the true measure of Julia's fear of learning? Julia likes Lindsey and she would love to direct the entire lesson.
Some things from this week:
While the dentist was looking at Julia's teeth and giving me a referral for an oral surgeon (because Julia has an extra tooth up in her gum in the front of her mouth), he asked how old she was. I told him and he told me that her tooth maturity is a bit more than a year behind where most kids are. Every so often I wonder if I should pursue Julia's age. There are tests that can be done on bones. Especially considering how she and Abby are virtually the same size and Abby is supposed to be almost two year younger. But the number age matters very little.
Today, in speech therapy, Julia was able to do nine 3-card sequences. She was generally able to put each three in order and tell the story. She does not have all the words she needed to tell compete stories at times, but she had a good time putting them in order and talking about the cards. This is so different from last year when she had to almost be tied down to put a single set in order.
Julia and her new speech teacher has clicked very quickly.
And now yesterday, with out attachment therapist. Pretty cool! We spent about a hour and a half with her. We had some paper work for insurance to fill out. Then we talked about therapy goals, methods, and of course, lots about Julia. Marilyn gave me some reading and I asked her about the Beyond Consequences book which seems to advocate the oposite of traditional attachment therapy. She admitted that she hadn't read the whole book but told me that if I found anything useful in it, to bring it to her attention. I did not mean to confront her with a method that criticizes what she does but I know I have done the same thing before. Oh, how I hate the status quo.
We are going to work on cuddling on my or David's terms -- holding Julia like a baby and trying to have fun with her for awhile. When Julia feels like doing this, we can do it for a good long time. Doing it on our terms instead of hers will be a bit of a challenge. We did it this afternoon for the first time. She squirmed and protested some, she became comfortable and enjoyed it some, and she couldn't wait to get up some. We will see how she does and what we discover.
This morning there was an all-school concert at Franklin. Julia sang about 6 songs with all of the K and some first graders. She very willingly and without much encouragement stood on the risers with her class and generally paid attention. (She was not willing to even stand with her camp group during camp performances last summer). She sang 2 of the songs, she clapped and moved her hands for most of the songs. A small step forward but a definite step.
Almost freezing
The temperature is forcasted to get to 30 today. That is, 30 above zero!
Today in the playground, Amy told me that Julia told her all about the dentist. And from Amy's description, Julia did! It is not easy for me to get Julia to tell me stories about school, or for me to get Julia to tell David stories about what she and I did during a day. I am very impressed that Amy can do this AND so happy that Julia is doing it. She is developing a past that she can deal with and enough communication skills to really communicate.
I didn't write about how well Julia did at the dentist. I was so very impressed with her even though I don't think that the dentist was. He is a pediatric dentist but his patience does not impress me. Maybe it was just a bad day for him. He spoke to Julia sharply once and she listened. I didn't really like it but I did not say anything. If he does it again, I will. The dental assistant who cleaned Julia's teeth was great. She worked quickly, efficiently, and talked the whole time. She told Julia what she was doing, explained the instrucments she used (Julia did not like the little pick) and answered Julia's questions. Julia was immediately concerned that she was getting a shot, and the DA put that to rest.
One interesting thing, kids get to pick a prize from the prize drawer at this dentist. Julia had fund picking but could not decide between two lizzards (one with dots and one with stripes -- what a choice!). The DA would have let her have both but she had said the Julia could have one, and I stepped in and made Julia choose and put the second one back. Not easy for her but her behavior was very good.
My forced eye contact with Julia a number of times a day is doing something. I am not sure what but I see changes and Julia is stuttering again. It is more than ironic that Julia's big leaps are presaged by her stuttering. Who ever thought that I would be happy to hear her stuttering?
This morning, when Julia hit the playground one of her classmates, Rowan, came up to her and said hello. Julia said hi and went to hug her. Hugs are not easy with the amount of clothes they have on these days. Julia asked to hold Rowan's hand and the two went off together. Did that ever look good!
The invitation letters for our social skills group go out today and tomorrow. I hope we garner the interest that we need. We are so close to making it happen.
Today is our first attachment therapy appointment. I am so looking forward to it but I am trying to still my expectations. I go over the list in my head about what I would like this therapy to resolve -- if we could work on Julia's anger, if we could work on her impulsivity, if we could work on her attention. I find myself trying to imagine a Julia who trusts more and who is more able to concentrate. I don't want to expect too much. This is a tough one for me.
Today in the playground, Amy told me that Julia told her all about the dentist. And from Amy's description, Julia did! It is not easy for me to get Julia to tell me stories about school, or for me to get Julia to tell David stories about what she and I did during a day. I am very impressed that Amy can do this AND so happy that Julia is doing it. She is developing a past that she can deal with and enough communication skills to really communicate.
I didn't write about how well Julia did at the dentist. I was so very impressed with her even though I don't think that the dentist was. He is a pediatric dentist but his patience does not impress me. Maybe it was just a bad day for him. He spoke to Julia sharply once and she listened. I didn't really like it but I did not say anything. If he does it again, I will. The dental assistant who cleaned Julia's teeth was great. She worked quickly, efficiently, and talked the whole time. She told Julia what she was doing, explained the instrucments she used (Julia did not like the little pick) and answered Julia's questions. Julia was immediately concerned that she was getting a shot, and the DA put that to rest.
One interesting thing, kids get to pick a prize from the prize drawer at this dentist. Julia had fund picking but could not decide between two lizzards (one with dots and one with stripes -- what a choice!). The DA would have let her have both but she had said the Julia could have one, and I stepped in and made Julia choose and put the second one back. Not easy for her but her behavior was very good.
My forced eye contact with Julia a number of times a day is doing something. I am not sure what but I see changes and Julia is stuttering again. It is more than ironic that Julia's big leaps are presaged by her stuttering. Who ever thought that I would be happy to hear her stuttering?
This morning, when Julia hit the playground one of her classmates, Rowan, came up to her and said hello. Julia said hi and went to hug her. Hugs are not easy with the amount of clothes they have on these days. Julia asked to hold Rowan's hand and the two went off together. Did that ever look good!
The invitation letters for our social skills group go out today and tomorrow. I hope we garner the interest that we need. We are so close to making it happen.
Today is our first attachment therapy appointment. I am so looking forward to it but I am trying to still my expectations. I go over the list in my head about what I would like this therapy to resolve -- if we could work on Julia's anger, if we could work on her impulsivity, if we could work on her attention. I find myself trying to imagine a Julia who trusts more and who is more able to concentrate. I don't want to expect too much. This is a tough one for me.
19 January 2009
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow
It is almost impossible to believe that tomorrow will come. Finally, finally, we will leave the last eight years of incredibly disappointing leadership and embrace hope. I hope that Obama can do what he wants to do. I hope he has a Congress the supports his vision and can rally the country to make big changes. Oh, does it feel good to be a liberal!
I started an entry three times today and each time was distracted. This is Julia's fifth day off and we are running out of things to do in the house and the house is a mess. Still, Julia is becoming a better companion all the time.
I have changed the way that I deal with Julia's hitting or yelling at me. Starting last week, I have been asking her to come closer and I hold her face to look into eachother's eyes while I count to 10 or 15. As I count, always reminding her to look in my eyes, I begin to smily at her and sometimes brush her cheek. So I start with a neutral face and voice (and since she has just yelled at me or tried or hurt me, I think smiling in the beginning would not make sense) and more to a smiling and loving voice and look. In the last days, we have done this over and over. It doesn't take all that long, and I noticed today that Julia is not as resistant as she was when we started. This has not, however, stopped her from hitting or yelling at me, or harassing the dog.
Nice bunch of days, although for the last two I have not slept very well. Or long. Both evenings I was tired enough to go up to be before 11 and then read until I thought I could fall asleep. Then I didn't, not until 3 or so.
Yesterday, I was the primary teacher at sunday school. I have been lead teacher once every three weeks since the fall, and yet, for the first time Julia was very jealous that I was attending to other children. She gave Erin a hard time and then after spending some time out of the classroom, she tried to hit me and pull my hair. It was one of the times that I was able to pull her close, have her breath slowly or at least deeply, and look into her eyes. I told her that I was teaching all of the children but that I was her mommy, and only her mommy. After this, I pulled her onto my lap and went on teaching. I did not know what was going on inside her head, but as class was coming to a close, David came into class and volunteered to go and get the car while I finished up. Julia went with him but was worried that I wasn't going to come home.
We still have work to do.
Our attachment therapist called today and we have an appointment for Thursday! This Thursday! I can't wait to start this work.
Julia and I thought about going skating today. There are all sort of little ice skating spots all over town. There is one pretty close to us and pretty idylic looking. A small lagoon with an old wooden shed where they rent skates and sell hot cocoa. There is no zamboni, but people shovel and sweep. There were squares for hockey practice and circles for a few teens practicing twirls. There was plenty of space to learn and fall. There were a few little ones doing just that. Julia did not want to try to put on skates. We walked out on the ice with our boots on and she was fascinated by the hockey players. We walked around for awhile and then went home. Next time, we'll put on skates.
I have changed the way that I deal with Julia's hitting or yelling at me. Starting last week, I have been asking her to come closer and I hold her face to look into eachother's eyes while I count to 10 or 15. As I count, always reminding her to look in my eyes, I begin to smily at her and sometimes brush her cheek. So I start with a neutral face and voice (and since she has just yelled at me or tried or hurt me, I think smiling in the beginning would not make sense) and more to a smiling and loving voice and look. In the last days, we have done this over and over. It doesn't take all that long, and I noticed today that Julia is not as resistant as she was when we started. This has not, however, stopped her from hitting or yelling at me, or harassing the dog.
Nice bunch of days, although for the last two I have not slept very well. Or long. Both evenings I was tired enough to go up to be before 11 and then read until I thought I could fall asleep. Then I didn't, not until 3 or so.
Yesterday, I was the primary teacher at sunday school. I have been lead teacher once every three weeks since the fall, and yet, for the first time Julia was very jealous that I was attending to other children. She gave Erin a hard time and then after spending some time out of the classroom, she tried to hit me and pull my hair. It was one of the times that I was able to pull her close, have her breath slowly or at least deeply, and look into her eyes. I told her that I was teaching all of the children but that I was her mommy, and only her mommy. After this, I pulled her onto my lap and went on teaching. I did not know what was going on inside her head, but as class was coming to a close, David came into class and volunteered to go and get the car while I finished up. Julia went with him but was worried that I wasn't going to come home.
We still have work to do.
Our attachment therapist called today and we have an appointment for Thursday! This Thursday! I can't wait to start this work.
Julia and I thought about going skating today. There are all sort of little ice skating spots all over town. There is one pretty close to us and pretty idylic looking. A small lagoon with an old wooden shed where they rent skates and sell hot cocoa. There is no zamboni, but people shovel and sweep. There were squares for hockey practice and circles for a few teens practicing twirls. There was plenty of space to learn and fall. There were a few little ones doing just that. Julia did not want to try to put on skates. We walked out on the ice with our boots on and she was fascinated by the hockey players. We walked around for awhile and then went home. Next time, we'll put on skates.
17 January 2009
Birthday cake
The pictures were too dark and they are all a bit fuzzy and blurry, but the joy is all there.Saturday
Swimming lesson today and I am spending this semi-undivided free time watching Julia and writing. Julia has been home for Thursday and Friday, and will be home for Monday. I love spending time with her, she is becoming a better companion, BUT it is winter and the last two days, it has been better not to be outside because of cold. The greatest thing about her birthday is new toys that should occupy her through the weekend and dayoff.
Julia had a great birthday although it fell short of all my plans. We did not invite any kids over for a play time or party. I decided that it would still be too much stimulation for her. We wil do parties one day.
I had not bought all the presents that I wanted to or decorations for the house that I wanted to do. I did not have time to wrap what presents I had, and because we had all those cupcakes, I did not make a cake. Instead, Julia and I went shopping at Toys r' Us in the afternoon. We found a new small pet and a camera for Julia. We opened both and Julia practiced using her camera before Daddy came home. I wrapped the other two presents when Julia was busy with her camera, and I found a dinosaur tablecloths for the table. We ate Chinese takeout which we have not done before for her birthday but which might become a tradition. Julia loved opening her presents – a Ponyville music touring bus with a little pony in it which she named Rock (David thinks that when she asked what this pony was and he said rock star, Rock became that pony's name), and another little pet with a puzzle that we will put together this weekend. She also received two books from her Babja – Julia loves mail! -- one of which we read last night. It is the story of a little leopard who is very upset that he is going to move only to find out in the end that he is not moving far from his friends. Good story about changes and transitions. The other book is a fairy tale book. I've been wanting to introduce Julia to real fairy tales so this is a good beginning.
All in all, I did not get the gratification of a perfectly finished celebration but Julia seized the moment and had great day. Julia is such a teacher. All kids are of course, but Julia is must be a somewhat advanced teacher. LOL. I realized the past few days that I am thinking of Julia as 5 years old. Looking at her behavior, she is five. Some of her language is younger, she is missing some key concepts like rhyming and the ability to focus on stories with fewer pictures, but she is gaining on that as well. She is getting better at dressing herself and answering me when I call. “Why” questions are still elusive but she has asked both why and why not in the past few weeks.
We are chipping away at those cupcakes little by little. It is ashame that we couldn't same them for Tuesday and school or even Sunday's RE class, but even by last night they were a bit stale. So we are 'forced' to eat each and every one, minus the few we brought to speech therapy yesterday.
When Julia and I were icing the cakes on Thursday afternoon, she asked me if we were going to put the dinosaurs on top of them. I told her now and then remembered that that was what we did last year. And I think that that kid doesn't really remember. She is developing a past.
What does that past of China look like to her these days.
Our chosen attachment therapist still has not called. I will give her part of next week and another call or two, and then I will look else where. Ugh! I don't know what insurance will do, but I so want to start therapy. There is some of Julia's behavior that I have no idea of how to deal with. No, it is not so bad that our lives are miserable, but if we can improve her behavior, her life would be so much better – read that as, less anger, more concentration, more happiness. How I want more happiness for my girl.
Julia can be compulsive about my anger – anytime that I raise my voice, in the least, she is asking me if I am angry, if I am serious, if I am annoyed. Over and over and over. It is hard to tell her that I am not angry, just wanting her to do what I ask of her. Months ago I started to use “serious” as a way of explaining a neutral raised voice, but she interpreted it as a lesser degree of anger. THIS IS WHAT I NEED THERAPY FOR!
I have also been making her look into my eyes for short periods of time. She was really awful at doing it to my direction at first. Now, a few weeks in, I can slow count to 15 and keep her eyes for most of that time. I have been noticing her seeking out my eyes now and then, just fleeting, but checking on me.
Julia had a great birthday although it fell short of all my plans. We did not invite any kids over for a play time or party. I decided that it would still be too much stimulation for her. We wil do parties one day.
I had not bought all the presents that I wanted to or decorations for the house that I wanted to do. I did not have time to wrap what presents I had, and because we had all those cupcakes, I did not make a cake. Instead, Julia and I went shopping at Toys r' Us in the afternoon. We found a new small pet and a camera for Julia. We opened both and Julia practiced using her camera before Daddy came home. I wrapped the other two presents when Julia was busy with her camera, and I found a dinosaur tablecloths for the table. We ate Chinese takeout which we have not done before for her birthday but which might become a tradition. Julia loved opening her presents – a Ponyville music touring bus with a little pony in it which she named Rock (David thinks that when she asked what this pony was and he said rock star, Rock became that pony's name), and another little pet with a puzzle that we will put together this weekend. She also received two books from her Babja – Julia loves mail! -- one of which we read last night. It is the story of a little leopard who is very upset that he is going to move only to find out in the end that he is not moving far from his friends. Good story about changes and transitions. The other book is a fairy tale book. I've been wanting to introduce Julia to real fairy tales so this is a good beginning.
All in all, I did not get the gratification of a perfectly finished celebration but Julia seized the moment and had great day. Julia is such a teacher. All kids are of course, but Julia is must be a somewhat advanced teacher. LOL. I realized the past few days that I am thinking of Julia as 5 years old. Looking at her behavior, she is five. Some of her language is younger, she is missing some key concepts like rhyming and the ability to focus on stories with fewer pictures, but she is gaining on that as well. She is getting better at dressing herself and answering me when I call. “Why” questions are still elusive but she has asked both why and why not in the past few weeks.
We are chipping away at those cupcakes little by little. It is ashame that we couldn't same them for Tuesday and school or even Sunday's RE class, but even by last night they were a bit stale. So we are 'forced' to eat each and every one, minus the few we brought to speech therapy yesterday.
When Julia and I were icing the cakes on Thursday afternoon, she asked me if we were going to put the dinosaurs on top of them. I told her now and then remembered that that was what we did last year. And I think that that kid doesn't really remember. She is developing a past.
What does that past of China look like to her these days.
Our chosen attachment therapist still has not called. I will give her part of next week and another call or two, and then I will look else where. Ugh! I don't know what insurance will do, but I so want to start therapy. There is some of Julia's behavior that I have no idea of how to deal with. No, it is not so bad that our lives are miserable, but if we can improve her behavior, her life would be so much better – read that as, less anger, more concentration, more happiness. How I want more happiness for my girl.
Julia can be compulsive about my anger – anytime that I raise my voice, in the least, she is asking me if I am angry, if I am serious, if I am annoyed. Over and over and over. It is hard to tell her that I am not angry, just wanting her to do what I ask of her. Months ago I started to use “serious” as a way of explaining a neutral raised voice, but she interpreted it as a lesser degree of anger. THIS IS WHAT I NEED THERAPY FOR!
I have also been making her look into my eyes for short periods of time. She was really awful at doing it to my direction at first. Now, a few weeks in, I can slow count to 15 and keep her eyes for most of that time. I have been noticing her seeking out my eyes now and then, just fleeting, but checking on me.
15 January 2009
Caloo-Calay, look who is 8 today!
David took two pictures of Julia practicing her violin with me last week and since that time, I've been trying to scrap with those pictures. Nothing I tried looked quite right until I realized that what I just loved about the pictures was the way the Julia was looking at me. It will be a long time until Julia learns to play her violin but the lessons and practices are worth more than music and money. We work together to learn letters and words and numbers and games and puzzles and swimming and music -- am I crazy to believe that I am touching different part of that dear little brain?And today, we wake up to cold that might be as much as -48 -- a dear friend reminds me that this weather is just like that in Inner Mongolia right now, the place where her soon to be daughter waits. So, we have another day in Inner Mongolia together. Reports on the day's doings will come later but just maybe if we can get outside, it will include shopping for a very special gift together! Can we do that ????
And what do I do with 17 freshly baked blue iced cup cakes??
(The Julia picture uses elements from the digital scrapbooking kit Lil'Metroites page kit created by Nicole Young, which can be found at http://www.digital20scrapbookplace.com.)
Expectations of a free day
Cold, cold, cold. We expect to get up to -12 without the wind chill. I am not sure what the temperature was when they cancelled school, but wind chills brought the temperature down to -30 this morning. So strange that the sun is out and expected to shine all day.
Julia and I went upstairs for bed last night right after dinner -- which Julia did not eat. She was supposed to do home work with me but she told me that she was too tired to do work. When I gave her the choice between a bit of work and a movie about animal or bed, she wanted bed. We went upstairs, did the bedtime ritual, and turned off the light around 7. It took her a long time to go to sleep and so by the time she fell asleep, so had I. I slept until David woke me up to come to our bed and then slept through the night. I guess Julia and I both needed that much sleep.
Julia really didn't say that she didn't feel well until we were ready to go to bed and then she could not tell me what didn't feel well. Maybe it was just tired. Julia doesn't really show she is tired. Oh, I hope that she is able to relax more and more and be able to act tired at home.
I keep planning to clean my desk and just keep adding to the paper pile in there. That whole room needs a revamping since it was set up last summer. Perhaps Julia and I can attack it today. I am hoping to get her to do some drawing and painting.
Julia now has 26 sight words. She doesn't always recognize them in books, but we are working. We have enough to use them to make simple sentences. I have also divided them according to part of speeh and have her repeat what are the pronouns, verbs, prepositions, etc. But what are words like no and not. I don't remember at all. What would Sister Ruth say about that?
Another task today, and a most important task, is to make cupcakes for tomorrow's big day. Julia will be 8 tomorrow.
Julia and I went upstairs for bed last night right after dinner -- which Julia did not eat. She was supposed to do home work with me but she told me that she was too tired to do work. When I gave her the choice between a bit of work and a movie about animal or bed, she wanted bed. We went upstairs, did the bedtime ritual, and turned off the light around 7. It took her a long time to go to sleep and so by the time she fell asleep, so had I. I slept until David woke me up to come to our bed and then slept through the night. I guess Julia and I both needed that much sleep.
Julia really didn't say that she didn't feel well until we were ready to go to bed and then she could not tell me what didn't feel well. Maybe it was just tired. Julia doesn't really show she is tired. Oh, I hope that she is able to relax more and more and be able to act tired at home.
I keep planning to clean my desk and just keep adding to the paper pile in there. That whole room needs a revamping since it was set up last summer. Perhaps Julia and I can attack it today. I am hoping to get her to do some drawing and painting.
Julia now has 26 sight words. She doesn't always recognize them in books, but we are working. We have enough to use them to make simple sentences. I have also divided them according to part of speeh and have her repeat what are the pronouns, verbs, prepositions, etc. But what are words like no and not. I don't remember at all. What would Sister Ruth say about that?
Another task today, and a most important task, is to make cupcakes for tomorrow's big day. Julia will be 8 tomorrow.
13 January 2009
Tuesday
Snow, cold and more of both coming. Yesterday's temperatures in the 20's with some wind chill are balmy compared to low single digets and significant wind chill that pushes the temperature way, way below zero. Kids stay inside the school all day and parents hustle from from back door to car to building to car to back door. It will warm up by the weekend so the challenge is to get to the weekend. People talk about the cold and snow and chuckle at their ability to handle it all. The roads are amazing and clear. Now, if only they would stop plowing closed the driveway, I'd be way happier.
Ah, Wisconsin.
Did a job interview today. Felt fine about it. One job -- two weeks of interviews. This one was not even posted in obviously places. I had a good time talking to three intelligent people -- their questions were better than the last few state interviews I've been on -- more open ended and allowed for a lot more personality and personal experience to show through. Once again, my experience is not relevant without a stretch. I stretched -- I am looking like a giraff.
Julia seems to have made some leap -- the listening program? I am not sure. She is more together in her person. She is being slightly more relevant when she speaks, she is asking more questions. I might be stretching here as well, but I think that when she doesn't answer to our call, there is a reason -- like she doesn't want to stop drawing or playing. Her obsession right now is the Sour Kangaroo from Horton Hears a Who. She makes them out of clay and draws constantly. I am not sure if it is the pouch which holds a baby all the time which she loves, or the grumpiness of the character. She does become obsessed with things -- is this autism?
In the last 6 days of school, Julia has come home with three perfect behavior charts, and two that were not so bad. Pretty incredible. At home, I am still getting lots of physical acting out and some new "Bad" words. When I mentioned the words to her teacher the other day, Christy could almost name the kid who uses each one. Julia also managed to pick up "idiot" from a PG movie. We try to keep language pretty clean at home, if we didn't . . . . oh, it would be fun.
Our chosen therapist has not returned my call yet. I am a jumpy teenager waiting for the boy of her dreams to call. I want to schedule something NOW!
Ah, Wisconsin.
Did a job interview today. Felt fine about it. One job -- two weeks of interviews. This one was not even posted in obviously places. I had a good time talking to three intelligent people -- their questions were better than the last few state interviews I've been on -- more open ended and allowed for a lot more personality and personal experience to show through. Once again, my experience is not relevant without a stretch. I stretched -- I am looking like a giraff.
Julia seems to have made some leap -- the listening program? I am not sure. She is more together in her person. She is being slightly more relevant when she speaks, she is asking more questions. I might be stretching here as well, but I think that when she doesn't answer to our call, there is a reason -- like she doesn't want to stop drawing or playing. Her obsession right now is the Sour Kangaroo from Horton Hears a Who. She makes them out of clay and draws constantly. I am not sure if it is the pouch which holds a baby all the time which she loves, or the grumpiness of the character. She does become obsessed with things -- is this autism?
In the last 6 days of school, Julia has come home with three perfect behavior charts, and two that were not so bad. Pretty incredible. At home, I am still getting lots of physical acting out and some new "Bad" words. When I mentioned the words to her teacher the other day, Christy could almost name the kid who uses each one. Julia also managed to pick up "idiot" from a PG movie. We try to keep language pretty clean at home, if we didn't . . . . oh, it would be fun.
Our chosen therapist has not returned my call yet. I am a jumpy teenager waiting for the boy of her dreams to call. I want to schedule something NOW!
12 January 2009
Home work 12 jan 09
45 minutes tonight. Julia did have to be reminded that she needed to finish all the work to get a sticker for the day, but once into the work she did well.
1. used dr. suess program to do a few matching games and the addition game
2. went over sight words. Julia knows all of what we have cards for
3. wrote her name and four sentences
1. used dr. suess program to do a few matching games and the addition game
2. went over sight words. Julia knows all of what we have cards for
3. wrote her name and four sentences
11 January 2009
Just Sunday
This week as been such a week. I was so lazy and didn't want to do anything – translate that into some depression and anxiety. I needed lots of naps. I need to take better care of myself. This challenge of doing my best for Julia and doing something towards getting an economic stream coming in gets to me. Today, I am moving but this last week, I was crawlin' still.
Some good things:
We can do attachment therapy with our chosen therapist! I got the letter yesterday. I have to make one insurance phone call which I hope is no big deal and I couldn't do it by the time I checked my mail box – Nice insurance hours – 9-4:30 (Can I have a job there?). I called the therapist, who I will not refer to as Marilyn – and left a jubilant message and hope we can schedule our first session very soon. I expect that we are in for months of hard work. I expect that it will get ugly at times, but oh, to work out and work on some of Julia's behaviors and tease out the cause. If any of her inattention, defiant, controlling, obstinate behavior is caused by attachment related issues, it would be such a blessing. LOL. Compared to autism, it would be a joy! The possibility, not a promise, of healing.
This is a bit optimistic, but isn't that a parent's job.
Not too long ago, MiaoMiao's mom emailed me and told me that after we visited last summer, MiaoMiao reacted differently for a few days. Her mom thought that MiaoMiao wanted to remember and enjoy Julia but that remembering Julia also meant remembering China. Facing China.
I have been reading and seeing movies about the Holocaust the past few weeks, most notably, Night, by Elie Wiesel. These stories mean more now. I filter what I read through what Julia has endured. I don't mean that Julia was in a concentration camp, but how people suffer and survive. How people suffer and remember. How people process their grief and move on to live. Just astounds me. I don't know if I could do it. She has done it.
Another thought about that is keeping the memory -- keeper of what the children only partially remember, the person who stores the pain and the reality, a person who knows the changes better even that the little one who came home after the trauma. I would like to be able to write something to validate the lives of these children who have to do so much healing before they can play. I cannot help but be angry at China and the awful system for caring for children. But anger isn't helpful – there is some action which needs to be taken.
More good things --
We met with our new speech therapist, Kimberly, on Friday. This woman read what our previous therapist had written and talked to our OT. She has a schedule up before we walked in and two of the activities were things that Julia had done with her last speech therapist. Julia loved it. I loved Kimberly. I can't wait to see how and what she does with Julia.
I went into Julia's class on Friday as I do every week and as the morning progressed, I was left in the classroom with Julia's main teacher and we chatted. She told me some of her feelings about Julia. There is no question but that her neediest kids capture her heart. She told me that sometimes she marvels at how far Julia has come, but that at other times, she feels so defeated when Julia hits or refuses to work. She wonders how she can do more for Julia and how she can fill her up with all that she missed in her earlier life. I told her that sometimes I think I will never do enough and I will never be able to fill Julia up. She said, I know.
Friday was Hmong Culture Day at school, and I was there for some of the demonstrations. Julia really loved the demonstration of making story cloths, those was the wonderful people-filled embroidery that the Hmong people use to record stories. It seems that up to 40 or 50 years ago, there were very new people back in the old country (Laos, Vietnam, China where the Hmong lived) who could write their language. The cloths were used to preserve old stories and family histories. Other clothes with only designs on them (we have pillows and two wall hangings of this kind from when I traveled to Vietnam) were used as messages during the War. The women explaining said only War but this was that we call the Vietnam War and the Vietnamese call the American War.
During the demonstration, Julia sat on Amy's lap. Amy was Julia's aide for last year who is no longer with her full time but who is in the classroom from time to time helping out with all of the SN kids. Julia and Amy have such a good relationship. Both of them can be irascible and the caring between them is palpable. I am grateful for the teachers that we now in Julia's life. Would that she could have had a nanny of the same ilk – what would have life have been?
Later, I sat with two classmates of Julia's who are Hmong. I asked them questions about the lovely costumes that we saw, if they had costumes and when they wore them. One of the the girls asked where Julia was born and asked if she could be Hmong. I said that I did not think so, and she said, "too bad that Julia was not Hmong." So very sweet.
The night tonight (and two nights ago also) is bright with the moon – not full, but shiny and bright, like a silver penny. The moon so bright that there are moon shadows of the tree limbs/ The icy snow piles lining the sidewalks glisten, twinkle in the moon glow. How magical, how frigid, how lovely this January winter night.
Some good things:
We can do attachment therapy with our chosen therapist! I got the letter yesterday. I have to make one insurance phone call which I hope is no big deal and I couldn't do it by the time I checked my mail box – Nice insurance hours – 9-4:30 (Can I have a job there?). I called the therapist, who I will not refer to as Marilyn – and left a jubilant message and hope we can schedule our first session very soon. I expect that we are in for months of hard work. I expect that it will get ugly at times, but oh, to work out and work on some of Julia's behaviors and tease out the cause. If any of her inattention, defiant, controlling, obstinate behavior is caused by attachment related issues, it would be such a blessing. LOL. Compared to autism, it would be a joy! The possibility, not a promise, of healing.
This is a bit optimistic, but isn't that a parent's job.
Not too long ago, MiaoMiao's mom emailed me and told me that after we visited last summer, MiaoMiao reacted differently for a few days. Her mom thought that MiaoMiao wanted to remember and enjoy Julia but that remembering Julia also meant remembering China. Facing China.
I have been reading and seeing movies about the Holocaust the past few weeks, most notably, Night, by Elie Wiesel. These stories mean more now. I filter what I read through what Julia has endured. I don't mean that Julia was in a concentration camp, but how people suffer and survive. How people suffer and remember. How people process their grief and move on to live. Just astounds me. I don't know if I could do it. She has done it.
Another thought about that is keeping the memory -- keeper of what the children only partially remember, the person who stores the pain and the reality, a person who knows the changes better even that the little one who came home after the trauma. I would like to be able to write something to validate the lives of these children who have to do so much healing before they can play. I cannot help but be angry at China and the awful system for caring for children. But anger isn't helpful – there is some action which needs to be taken.
More good things --
We met with our new speech therapist, Kimberly, on Friday. This woman read what our previous therapist had written and talked to our OT. She has a schedule up before we walked in and two of the activities were things that Julia had done with her last speech therapist. Julia loved it. I loved Kimberly. I can't wait to see how and what she does with Julia.
I went into Julia's class on Friday as I do every week and as the morning progressed, I was left in the classroom with Julia's main teacher and we chatted. She told me some of her feelings about Julia. There is no question but that her neediest kids capture her heart. She told me that sometimes she marvels at how far Julia has come, but that at other times, she feels so defeated when Julia hits or refuses to work. She wonders how she can do more for Julia and how she can fill her up with all that she missed in her earlier life. I told her that sometimes I think I will never do enough and I will never be able to fill Julia up. She said, I know.
Friday was Hmong Culture Day at school, and I was there for some of the demonstrations. Julia really loved the demonstration of making story cloths, those was the wonderful people-filled embroidery that the Hmong people use to record stories. It seems that up to 40 or 50 years ago, there were very new people back in the old country (Laos, Vietnam, China where the Hmong lived) who could write their language. The cloths were used to preserve old stories and family histories. Other clothes with only designs on them (we have pillows and two wall hangings of this kind from when I traveled to Vietnam) were used as messages during the War. The women explaining said only War but this was that we call the Vietnam War and the Vietnamese call the American War.
During the demonstration, Julia sat on Amy's lap. Amy was Julia's aide for last year who is no longer with her full time but who is in the classroom from time to time helping out with all of the SN kids. Julia and Amy have such a good relationship. Both of them can be irascible and the caring between them is palpable. I am grateful for the teachers that we now in Julia's life. Would that she could have had a nanny of the same ilk – what would have life have been?
Later, I sat with two classmates of Julia's who are Hmong. I asked them questions about the lovely costumes that we saw, if they had costumes and when they wore them. One of the the girls asked where Julia was born and asked if she could be Hmong. I said that I did not think so, and she said, "too bad that Julia was not Hmong." So very sweet.
The night tonight (and two nights ago also) is bright with the moon – not full, but shiny and bright, like a silver penny. The moon so bright that there are moon shadows of the tree limbs/ The icy snow piles lining the sidewalks glisten, twinkle in the moon glow. How magical, how frigid, how lovely this January winter night.
08 January 2009
Playing
I met with Cathy and Dana, principal and autim expert, at Julia's school this morning, and we talked more about our social skills group. Admittedly the latest word from PTO pres was that our revamped proposal would be considered next week and if it didn't get enough support, we could always submit it next year. Julia needs this group now -- and the other kids that we will invite -- Yeah, I am all about Julia. Can't help it, but the need is there. So there.
I am carefully reading what will become our group's bible, Peer Play and the Autism Spectrum, and nodding as I go. Growing up a very shy child, I did not play with enough kids. I was awful at initiating or approaching kids at school (never had a friend in grammar school), but managed better with kids of my parent's friends. With the N's and the K's, visiting one or another home, I played with the girls. I had a great immagination and used it to the fullest. Reading as I am now, I see how important that was. So, although I was not good at making school friends, I did make full use of the children that our lives put in my path. I also played a lot with my brother until he discovered that he was a boy and should be playing only with boys.
Julia's play has grown and changed since she has been home. She did not know what to do with toys in the beginning, and as she learned, it scared me at times because her play with always so violent. When we gave her dolls, she set them up like an orphanage, mirroring her experience, and after awhile of playing diapering, cuddling, and putting to sleep, she lost interest. She did not play with one doll, one baby. She was interested in dressing her dolls for awhile -- and I wonder now if that had something to do with her having her own clothes and choices of clothes. Then, she drifted away from playing with dolls and last spring I put away all of the dolls, waiting for her to ask for them. She never has.
Her interests have always been with animals -- dinosaurs first, animal miniatures, and Little Pets. With all of these her play has gone from fighting and killing games to more often family games. Because we have dinosaurs in different sizes, family groups are easily made. She plays running away or the baby being taken. David and I are called on often to manipulate and play the mommy or daddy dino who rescues the baby or chases the run away to bring her home. Very recently, she has been asking one of us to play with her and the Little Pets. The Pets put on shows or line up to go somewhere or get hurt and have to go to a hospital.
I have not seen her do this kind of play with other children. I do have great hopes for our school group.
I am carefully reading what will become our group's bible, Peer Play and the Autism Spectrum, and nodding as I go. Growing up a very shy child, I did not play with enough kids. I was awful at initiating or approaching kids at school (never had a friend in grammar school), but managed better with kids of my parent's friends. With the N's and the K's, visiting one or another home, I played with the girls. I had a great immagination and used it to the fullest. Reading as I am now, I see how important that was. So, although I was not good at making school friends, I did make full use of the children that our lives put in my path. I also played a lot with my brother until he discovered that he was a boy and should be playing only with boys.
Julia's play has grown and changed since she has been home. She did not know what to do with toys in the beginning, and as she learned, it scared me at times because her play with always so violent. When we gave her dolls, she set them up like an orphanage, mirroring her experience, and after awhile of playing diapering, cuddling, and putting to sleep, she lost interest. She did not play with one doll, one baby. She was interested in dressing her dolls for awhile -- and I wonder now if that had something to do with her having her own clothes and choices of clothes. Then, she drifted away from playing with dolls and last spring I put away all of the dolls, waiting for her to ask for them. She never has.
Her interests have always been with animals -- dinosaurs first, animal miniatures, and Little Pets. With all of these her play has gone from fighting and killing games to more often family games. Because we have dinosaurs in different sizes, family groups are easily made. She plays running away or the baby being taken. David and I are called on often to manipulate and play the mommy or daddy dino who rescues the baby or chases the run away to bring her home. Very recently, she has been asking one of us to play with her and the Little Pets. The Pets put on shows or line up to go somewhere or get hurt and have to go to a hospital.
I have not seen her do this kind of play with other children. I do have great hopes for our school group.
07 January 2009
Pictures by Matthew
All the pictures in this layout were taken by our friend Matthew who is 11 years old and quite handy with his mom's camera. Somehow I think that Julia related much better to her buddy's picture taking than to mine. Ummmm . . . well, I'll never be an 11 year old boy.
The layout elements are from Mocha Latte Happiness Page Kit, designed by Nicole Young, and can bee found at www.digitalscrapbookplace.com.
Home work 6 jan 09
It was not completely smooth, that transition from dinner table to work. We returned to working on Julia's table in the computer room. Julia fidgeted a lot and complained a few times about being tired. When she does this, I offer the the option of going to bed early. She takes this seriously and I mean it that way -- no punishment, just option. She did choose to go to bed one night last week when I really, really wanted her to do her work. LOL. Best laid plans . . .
Anyway, she decided to work and once engaged, she stuck to it.
1. reviewed math fact cards (1+1,1+2,2+1), and then drew a big fact sentence that we could put her little pets in. She could 'read' the facts and answer questions, but could not complete the facts.
2. reviewed sight words.
3. did a sort of spelling test using her sight words. She spelt many of the words correctly, and was also very interested in spelling them right.
4. worked on the 'th' sound.
Anyway, she decided to work and once engaged, she stuck to it.
1. reviewed math fact cards (1+1,1+2,2+1), and then drew a big fact sentence that we could put her little pets in. She could 'read' the facts and answer questions, but could not complete the facts.
2. reviewed sight words.
3. did a sort of spelling test using her sight words. She spelt many of the words correctly, and was also very interested in spelling them right.
4. worked on the 'th' sound.
06 January 2009
Monday afternoon.
I am better today. Just need that scary whine every so often, and of course, then the winds change . . . .
I was so concerned about Julia's behavior that I wrote a note to her teacher and aids that she might have a really bad day. So my darling proved me wrong (not that that is a bad thing. LOL) and received all smiles on her behavior chart that her teacher does every day. No hitting, cooperation, good mood, and got her work done. And then, we went to OT and she was calm, no where near as impulsive as she usually is, and did everything Annie told her to do the first time she was told. Annie thinks, as I do, that Julia is about to or making another leap.
We (Annie and I) decided to work on calming methods for Julia this term. We worked on some yoga poses (which Julia held more or less for a count of 30), and three calming techniques. The hope is that Julia can learn them when she is calm and then sooner or later use them when her motor is zipping along to bring her down to normal. I expect this is a long term project.
Annie taught her the poses and techniques (blowing out imaginary candles, rubbing hands together for a 'cup of calm', counting fingers by touching finger tip to thumb), and then tried to get Julia a bit excited to see if they could do one of the techniques, but Julia was very mellow. Annie tried interrupting Julia's play, but Julia was able to move her attention from the toy she was playing with to what was in Annie's hand and even answer Annie's questions while she (Julia) was still playing. We'll try rehursing the techniques and see if we can move them into real life impulsive or anxiety ridden times.
I was exhausted yesterday and we did not do any home work in the evening. Instead, we watched a video about Jane Goodall and her chimps. There was an incredible moment caught on film of a baby chimp approahing Goodall and putting his arm out to touch Goodall's face. It took my breath away with its simplicity and its richness. That we should all have hearts available to touch and be touched. Altnough Julia has a rough relationship with animals -- great fear, competition, and great interest -- she always wants to watch them on tv, and there always seems to be ample videos at the library to satisfy her.
A conversation while driving to therapy. Me in the front of the car, Julia in her booster seat in the back:
Julia: Mother (We are in our third week of her calling me 'mother'.), I dumb.
Me: No Honey, you are not dumb. You are smart.
Julia: No. (A bit louder than medium voie).
Me: Julia, you are smart, beautiful, and my girl.
Julia: NO. (Shouting.)
Me: Are you smart?
Julia: No.
Me: Are you beautiful?
Julia: No.
Me: Are you my girl?
Julia: (She pauses and thinks a bit. She smiles just a little bit.) Yes.
Me: Well, my girl is smart and beautiful.
And Julia was quiet. This interchane hit the right note which often does not happen. Julia often asks me to be quiet or to stop asking her questions. I purposely did not ask why this time -- she is no good at all at answering why.
I was so concerned about Julia's behavior that I wrote a note to her teacher and aids that she might have a really bad day. So my darling proved me wrong (not that that is a bad thing. LOL) and received all smiles on her behavior chart that her teacher does every day. No hitting, cooperation, good mood, and got her work done. And then, we went to OT and she was calm, no where near as impulsive as she usually is, and did everything Annie told her to do the first time she was told. Annie thinks, as I do, that Julia is about to or making another leap.
We (Annie and I) decided to work on calming methods for Julia this term. We worked on some yoga poses (which Julia held more or less for a count of 30), and three calming techniques. The hope is that Julia can learn them when she is calm and then sooner or later use them when her motor is zipping along to bring her down to normal. I expect this is a long term project.
Annie taught her the poses and techniques (blowing out imaginary candles, rubbing hands together for a 'cup of calm', counting fingers by touching finger tip to thumb), and then tried to get Julia a bit excited to see if they could do one of the techniques, but Julia was very mellow. Annie tried interrupting Julia's play, but Julia was able to move her attention from the toy she was playing with to what was in Annie's hand and even answer Annie's questions while she (Julia) was still playing. We'll try rehursing the techniques and see if we can move them into real life impulsive or anxiety ridden times.
I was exhausted yesterday and we did not do any home work in the evening. Instead, we watched a video about Jane Goodall and her chimps. There was an incredible moment caught on film of a baby chimp approahing Goodall and putting his arm out to touch Goodall's face. It took my breath away with its simplicity and its richness. That we should all have hearts available to touch and be touched. Altnough Julia has a rough relationship with animals -- great fear, competition, and great interest -- she always wants to watch them on tv, and there always seems to be ample videos at the library to satisfy her.
A conversation while driving to therapy. Me in the front of the car, Julia in her booster seat in the back:
Julia: Mother (We are in our third week of her calling me 'mother'.), I dumb.
Me: No Honey, you are not dumb. You are smart.
Julia: No. (A bit louder than medium voie).
Me: Julia, you are smart, beautiful, and my girl.
Julia: NO. (Shouting.)
Me: Are you smart?
Julia: No.
Me: Are you beautiful?
Julia: No.
Me: Are you my girl?
Julia: (She pauses and thinks a bit. She smiles just a little bit.) Yes.
Me: Well, my girl is smart and beautiful.
And Julia was quiet. This interchane hit the right note which often does not happen. Julia often asks me to be quiet or to stop asking her questions. I purposely did not ask why this time -- she is no good at all at answering why.
05 January 2009
Dark thoughts
This is not a happy post and I thought about not putting it down here. Instead, I wrote most of it in an email to someone who has adopted and who does not mind my occasional whines. I never want to be negative or blue about Julia's prospects but I do want to be truthful. The reason that I write here is for myself and for Julia but also for those who consider older kid adoption and who need to know the ups and downs, even when the downs come with some frequency. And so I write . . . .
Cheshire left yesterday. Julia was able to say good bye and tell Cheshire that she would miss her without any prompting at all. I miss her already. I do wish she was closer -- Chicago, a two+ hour ride away would do it. I think she does too. I mean she says that she wants to be closer to home although it just may be that she is having such a tough year.
I was impressed that Julia thought to say she would miss Cheshire. I think she knows what that means and she did not sound like she was just repeating something from a script that she knows.
Julia's behavior the past few days has been getting worse and worse. I know it is transitions, maybe some reaction to the attention we give to Cheshire when she is home, maybe some backlash of the holidays but it has set me to thinking about her delays/challenges as permanent. I mean, what if she is never able to negotiate school, the social scene, life by herself and always needs family and professional help. Since she came home, I have been operating on the theory that she will catch up, catch on, and grow into something close to a normal functioning adult. What if she never does? I had not given up or mourned the loss of real conversation (she has never asked about her birthmother or her adoption), of adventure (treckking in Costa Rica, days in the Louvre), or of witnessing her decision making and taking the first steps on her own. And there are her awful, angry moods, she is not even a teenager yet. Cheshire could hate me at times during her teen years -- what of a child who wants to hurt me now at 7? Although I prepared for lots of challenges when we brought Julia home, and although I love her with my whole heart, I never contemplated life with a permanently, disabled adult. I have bent my life around Julia and willing have done that with so much love, but forever? I stand with mouth wide open.
That's where my head is today.
Cheshire left yesterday. Julia was able to say good bye and tell Cheshire that she would miss her without any prompting at all. I miss her already. I do wish she was closer -- Chicago, a two+ hour ride away would do it. I think she does too. I mean she says that she wants to be closer to home although it just may be that she is having such a tough year.
I was impressed that Julia thought to say she would miss Cheshire. I think she knows what that means and she did not sound like she was just repeating something from a script that she knows.
Julia's behavior the past few days has been getting worse and worse. I know it is transitions, maybe some reaction to the attention we give to Cheshire when she is home, maybe some backlash of the holidays but it has set me to thinking about her delays/challenges as permanent. I mean, what if she is never able to negotiate school, the social scene, life by herself and always needs family and professional help. Since she came home, I have been operating on the theory that she will catch up, catch on, and grow into something close to a normal functioning adult. What if she never does? I had not given up or mourned the loss of real conversation (she has never asked about her birthmother or her adoption), of adventure (treckking in Costa Rica, days in the Louvre), or of witnessing her decision making and taking the first steps on her own. And there are her awful, angry moods, she is not even a teenager yet. Cheshire could hate me at times during her teen years -- what of a child who wants to hurt me now at 7? Although I prepared for lots of challenges when we brought Julia home, and although I love her with my whole heart, I never contemplated life with a permanently, disabled adult. I have bent my life around Julia and willing have done that with so much love, but forever? I stand with mouth wide open.
That's where my head is today.
03 January 2009
Home work 3 jan 09
Tough today, getting her down to do some work. David and Cheshire have gone out for the evening and supper is warming up. Quiet. Slowly she submited to doing some computer work, working on the games on Dr. Suess Kindergarten that she likes the best. So we did:
1. computer games. Beginning of word letter, puting letters in order, matching
2. write her name and write three phrases/sentences (Jumping kangaroo, I am here, Me too, Mommy,)
3 played with four math fact cards rehursing the reading of addition facts.
4. flash felt sight words
Julia is stuttering some and the music therapy doesn't seem to be doing anything anymore.
1. computer games. Beginning of word letter, puting letters in order, matching
2. write her name and write three phrases/sentences (Jumping kangaroo, I am here, Me too, Mommy,)
3 played with four math fact cards rehursing the reading of addition facts.
4. flash felt sight words
Julia is stuttering some and the music therapy doesn't seem to be doing anything anymore.
Hey teacher -- I am here, I am here!
Ummm, I have the holiday blues! Cheshire leaves tomorrow and I have no idea what we should do today. We did some shopping for her yesterday -- not that shopping is a sacred activity that we do together but more a necessary evil wherein immediate needs get filled. Her immediate needs are full. We have cuddled on the couch, had a few heart-to-hearts, and solved the problems of the world. During this time, Julia has revolved around us like a constant moon, and her behavior has deteriorated as the vacation slips by. Most kids with attachment disorders or sensory issues or on the autism spectrum have their worst behavior admidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday crazies. Julia thrives on the excitment of glitter and gifts -- is this some huge sringe of adrenalin for her? -- it is this time of transition -- coming down from the holidays and moving into our old day-to-day -- that is really hard. She bucks getting back to our scheduled activities, she arches her back and roars -- only partially metaphorically -- at our writing a schedule and actually accomplishing it. She would play with her most comfortable toys ALL DAY LONG in last night's pjs and wild hair. Her voice is loud and she talks in lines from her favorite movies and books. And I have a very hard time cajolling her out of this. I enter into her play more, we pretend for long, long times and move the tiny plastic animals from the town to the house to the hospital to the theater. And I hope that I am doing what is good, what will help her, what is as educational as possible -- engagement, even on her terms. Is this just where I should be? I am certainly ready for a teacher -- you know, when the student is ready . . .
02 January 2009
Home work 1 jan 08
It was tough getting Julia to do any work today. I think she senses that vacation is ending in a few days and it is time to get back to our more regular schedule. After lots of coaxing and a few breaks, she did a really adequate amount of work with me.
1. wrote her name and four sentences
2. did our flash card sight words and added four new words. Interestingly, after prompting from me she is beginning to sound out the words she has not memorized. I help her do.
3. used the Dr. Suess Kindergarten program to work on simple addition
4. did two pages in the Kindergarten erasable work book that Cheshire gave her for Christmas.
Worked on violin. Julia knows all the parts of the violin and bow that I know. (I am missing a few) She can do rest position and playing position and hold the bow quite well. She can even make noise with the bow on the strings.
1. wrote her name and four sentences
2. did our flash card sight words and added four new words. Interestingly, after prompting from me she is beginning to sound out the words she has not memorized. I help her do.
3. used the Dr. Suess Kindergarten program to work on simple addition
4. did two pages in the Kindergarten erasable work book that Cheshire gave her for Christmas.
Worked on violin. Julia knows all the parts of the violin and bow that I know. (I am missing a few) She can do rest position and playing position and hold the bow quite well. She can even make noise with the bow on the strings.
01 January 2009
Hot Lava Soup
Ummmm . . . . Happy New Year! 2009, whatever it will be, I welcome it.
I had plans drawn up in my head about what I was going to do last night after I put Julia to bed. We are still laying down until she falls asleep and there's the rub. We had a bit of a drama getting her upstairs with me -- she so prefers her Dad -- but once up, we read Horton Hears a Who, and she was yawning and fading out, so I kissed her and turned out the light. AND fell asleep myself. David woke me just before the new year to change beds and wish me a Happy New Year. No big parties, no party at all, but all very sweet -- well, most of it minus the drama of getting upstairs.
So no late night reflection of the year that has passed or promise of resolutions in print, but a new day today, resolutions over oatmeal, and dino games with Julia. Right now, we are still at the breakfast table, Julia has eaten her hot dog omlet (a new, Daddy-made, almost embarassingly mid-west confection) and a bowl of oatmeal. The T-Rex and triceratops are out with their kids. They wanted to fight but they are now friends and the T-Rex is making Hot Lava Soup with shark and noodles on top of a volcano. The T-Rex is holding a cup and a laddle and telling the children (a relatively new word for Julia) to be careful of the hot. A tree star salad will be served on the side.
A very happy New Year to all. Deep reflections to come later.
I had plans drawn up in my head about what I was going to do last night after I put Julia to bed. We are still laying down until she falls asleep and there's the rub. We had a bit of a drama getting her upstairs with me -- she so prefers her Dad -- but once up, we read Horton Hears a Who, and she was yawning and fading out, so I kissed her and turned out the light. AND fell asleep myself. David woke me just before the new year to change beds and wish me a Happy New Year. No big parties, no party at all, but all very sweet -- well, most of it minus the drama of getting upstairs.
So no late night reflection of the year that has passed or promise of resolutions in print, but a new day today, resolutions over oatmeal, and dino games with Julia. Right now, we are still at the breakfast table, Julia has eaten her hot dog omlet (a new, Daddy-made, almost embarassingly mid-west confection) and a bowl of oatmeal. The T-Rex and triceratops are out with their kids. They wanted to fight but they are now friends and the T-Rex is making Hot Lava Soup with shark and noodles on top of a volcano. The T-Rex is holding a cup and a laddle and telling the children (a relatively new word for Julia) to be careful of the hot. A tree star salad will be served on the side.
A very happy New Year to all. Deep reflections to come later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)