I look at the calendar and try to adjust my perception that Sunday to Thursday was only four days. Time expanded to fill decades -- okay, at least a few weeks. I find that thoughts of Virginia and Maryland are in the "distant memory" file in the mind.
Beginning yesterday, or at least in my perception beginning yesterday, I am a single parent. A definite shift. I have been uncomfortable with this label for the past year. I have desperately wanted to share the responsibilities, the joys, the worries and the sorrows. I have not always been aware of my desperation but had I an offer to partner for parenting, I would have jumped at it. And then, yesterday, while Julia and I were showering, a calm spread over me. It was a laying down of defenses, a giving up and a taking up. I have been using the right words with Julia for months and maybe this is an example of fake it until it becomes real. Maybe it was the loss of my final parental figure although I had never leaned on my parents or even asked their advice. But somehow I have released David from the task of parenting Julia. I have become ready to do it on my own.
Julia is reading signs constantly! Cheshire did this at 3 and 4. Julia is doing it at 10. My breath is taken away by Julia's tenacity. I am so very please and so excited for her. There is a world of words out there, in here, just waiting for her.