Once again sitting in the humid laden cavernous spaces that houses our Y pool. Julia is swimming. Allen, her teacher, has six kids, including Julia, and no assistant today. He works hard to include all of the kids and still keep Julia going. She is doing more of what he tells her to but she is far from independently doing what he wants. He has gained her trust, and the fact that I promised an extra sticker for listening and doing what Allen says helps her stay on task. She is not as disruptive as she was two sessions ago. I sigh, just slightly, with relief. I see that she can be taught even in this circumstance in which she is not with the teacher every day. She is practicing an overhand backstroke with him which is really hard for her in terms of trust. To float on her back she must abandon her control to see what is coming. And she does it with him. Fantastic.
I was looking back to last year at this time and to two years ago in 2006. In 2006, we were waiting ever so impatiently for our travel approval so that we could go to China to adopt Julia.
Okay, Julia is supposed to be using a swimming noodle to practice her overhand stroke. She is hitting the water with the noodle and making very loud sounds. I take back that sign – no, not really. If Julia make the olymic swimming team, heck, when she graduates high school, we may be inviting Allen. I say over and over, but it is so true, that we have been extremely blessed by those who are helping educate our child. God, the gods, the universe, my angels – someone or some power – is looking out for her. Of course, I am reminded again that I should be working with Julia outside of class on what she is learning to make her more compliant with Allen by giving her more confidence and knowledge.
A year ago, we were unpacking and trying to do something constructive with Julia's defiant behavior. I was worried and wondering what was going to happen when school began. We started going to the school library to get her use to the building. When did I start cheering “Franklin School, the best school in the world!” each time we passed the school? These days, Julia was say that once in awhile when we pass the school – ah, brainwashing! Would my teaching count as torture? Ha.
A few ideas from the book I am eating up – one is to use consistant terms – short and consistent. Cheshire favorite – On task! -- is a good one, and yes, I use it with Julia. The author using “redo” as a way to correct behavior and offer a child a second chance to change their behavior.
One critisism of the book, there are a few examples of a parent doing a good job getting their
child to change their behavior. The senerio is so happily on target and pleasant and in a convenient time and place, that it is hardly necessary to do at all. I know it is just an example, but I wish that they would acknolwedge that the perfection just doesn't happen. Julia is much more apt to behave badly two minutes before we need to leave the house, on the stairs, in a packing lot, or just as we are leaving a line at Target, than in the middle of the afternoon when we are alone without distractions or outside pressures. I have stopped in so many public and inconventient places to correct her behavior, but it is never easy, and would kill a parent who is easily embarassed. And for her part, once Julia has started her bad behavior, she is not one to give it up without a tussle either verbal or physical. The notion that I could just bend down and say in a soft voice that she should “re-do” her behavior showing respect to me or to whatever she has shown other behavior to, is a true fantasy.
And I need a new bathing suit for that girl – maybe two to last through another three weeks of camp and then vacation. The one that she has is beginning to really stretch out. Julia wears a bathing suit every day and it is amazing how quickly it wears out.
This morning, I slept in and David let Julia watch Saturday morning cartoons. I insist on PBS – task master mom – but a morning of Tom & Jerry, violent as it is, will not destroy her. We were just about ready to turn off the TV when a Spiderman cartool came on. Julia hates Spidie, and she called to David to turn off the TV. I told her she could turn off the TV (which she is fully capable of doing and has done many, many times), and she did. We then talked about how she never needs to be scared of what is going on on the TV. She can always turn it off when she doesn't like what is on. I know this one is going to come back and bite me, but I am also looking for places where she can have the power over her fears. Spiderman and TV is perfect.
We went to the Madison art fair after swimming. We went last year as well and it is easy to compare Julia's behavior. She listened so much better -- hard as it is for most art a child has to look with their eyes! She had to be careful of things that break -- and of course, those are the things she wants to pick up and hold. Lots of interesting ceramic and clay pieces that she identified as made of clay. She liked the things made out of glass as well although she doesn't understand glass that has lots of color -- well, neither do I. She has a lot to say about the art and it was almost a joy walking around with her -- not a joy in that I am sure my blood pressure was a bit higher than usual, and I was physically holding her back from touching at times. But she will never learn to look if we don't go.
There were also kid dance troupes there performing. Once school (and I am sure there are more that this one), breaks their troupe into "teams" and compete. Compete and dance? Oh, I have a bit to say about that -- dance is not sport, but someone wins gold, silver and bronze. Oh, I am an old fashion puerist. Dance is art and the children should be trained to that. But American kids are taught to compete and I guess if there is no competition, you students get siffened off to do more competitive activities.
Julia body rash of last week is getting better. Slowly. I kicked it into high gear a few days ago with Aveno oatmeal baths, a menthal anti-itch cream, benedryl at night, and a steroid cream used sparingly. I also did not put sun screen or bug spray on her first thing in the mornings for camp. I spray her clothes for bugs and the counselors put on sun block right before she goes into the pool. She has gotten darker, so the lack of sunblock is exposing her to more sun, but her skin is getting better.
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