labs

Once again, started last night but zoned out and watched tv and could not finish.

So, it wasn't bad!

The blood draw, that is.

I told Julia at breakfast that we were going to go to the blood doctor when I picked her up. The doc is really a gastroenterologist but blood doctor says it all. Julia gets a big blood draw when she sees this kind of doc and she needed one today. Julia protested to me before she went to school, and from what Sheila said Julia mentioned it often during school, adding what she wanted to do to the doc who did the draw -- and those things were not pretty. She did her work; however, and worked herself into a funk, not a fury, by the time I had picked her up. Sheila (her aide) said that she was just staring off after lunch which is not at all normal Julia behavior.

Julia was scared.

We talked about it in the car going to the doc. Actually, Julia did most of the talking. My motor mouth of a kiddo was scared, was brave, was going to defend herself from those nasty needle wielding docs. I kept telling her how I would protect her, how it would not hurt too much, how it would be over very soon, etc. Julia was concern that the doc would "rip her skin" and wondered how long it would take to heal, if ever! I told her about the tiny hole they would make and how quickly it would heal.

Although Julia was pretty upset and very scared, I felt for the first time in this type of situation that she was hearing me. Even when she repeated her fears, she was less sure of herself. She was trusting me and letting herself believe what I was saying. This is incredible for us!

I have to admit here and now to not being the best of mothers. Julia's blood and liver should be checked every year to make sure her Hep B infection is under control. The last time that I went through this check up was when we first moved her. It was a truly awful day. It think it took three extra people to hold Julia down while they did the blood draw and we had reactions for the next few days. So when the doc looked at my yesterday and asked why it had taken me so long to get back there, I felt guilty but I also could explain. My girl is recovering from the trauma of her first five years and I am not going to add to that huge pile of muck that we slog through. Julia has not been sick and has not shown any signs that her liver was not functioning. That being said, I do hope that the labs come back with news that she is stable.

Julia did not march into the doc's office or the lab like a stoic soldier, but she was willing to march in all the same. She clung to me when she was scared, and was very and clearly articulate about her feelings. At one point she backed into me, very deliberately, and was visible calmed by my hug.

Really, I was very proud of how far she has come.

And the rest of the day was a bit raw but pretty good. She went to OT and speech therapies and came home to play with one of her therapists. She was not as compliant as she can be but she was not aggressive. During speech, she interrupted what she was doing and turned to me to ask whether she was going to die. She asked if I was going to die and "What about Daddy?" I answered the best the I could. For all the times that Julia's gaze is all over the place when she talked to someone, she kept a steady gaze on me and I held her eyes during those answers.

It was a good day. (behavior chart was good from school too!)

Ah, and just one more thing. I've decided that we will celebrate Chinese New Year this year. I've bought two books that I am reading to Julia -- very elementary but fun. We will make some crafts -- lanterns, a lion puppet, etc. -- and hopefully I will cook. I am not sure what yet. I don't want to make a big deal of it, but Julia is interested in China -- not her China, she says. She is interested in the Great Wall of China, in the long noodles of China, and in the beautiful clothes. This is a good start and we will follow her lead!