26 November 2010

Coming home. A bit hard after a week away, but Julia is looking forward to collecting our pets and sleeping in my bed. I am looking forward to getting back to work. And talking to my LEND mentor, and making a coffee date with the Dane County trauma expert, and finding a date for the PTO's international dinner. To do's for the week.

Lisa asked how -- how am I going to adopt another child, find and start my blissful work project. Both take so much time and dedication and energy. I agree. But I am putting it all out there. child, job, place to live, China, fostering orphans, foster care, money, and travel. It is not a roll of the dice but I am waiting and watching carefully to see what is coming.

Julia is playing with her leapster beside me. She finally discovered the drawing and coloring program and is spending time creating. She is still coloring her new "Tangled" coloring book. She is going page by page enjoying every image. She "helped" Lisa by sharpening untold amounts of pencils -- regular and colored. Lisa let her use a battery powered sharpener and Julia was in heaven. Too autistic?

Julia has also been eating very well this week. I've been urging her to eat, making sure there is always something that is a favorite, and having strawberry ensure on hand for the extra calories. I am hoping to find out she is a pound heavier when we get home. She seemed to have gained about a half pound last week, and I am hoping for the same. Julia really loved the sweet potato casserole we made for Thanksgiving. It included sugar and marshmallows -- I am going to have to make it. Can I hide protein powder in sweet potatoes?

I spent time with Michael exploring and playing with his Wii. Now, who knows about Wii bargains? And talking to Nick about money and tires. Yes, I need tires. Who knows about tires in Madison? Sometimes I fell like I did not pay attention to so much that David handled.

Being with Lisa and family and Cheshire this week, David feels so close. Like he had just gone out of the house, just walked around some block, just, just . . . We listened to ipod on shuffle during Thanksgiving and off and on at other times. I found myself listening to music choice and wondering if there was a message from David. Oh, how he would not have sanctioned that! For all that I believe in an afterlife and probably reincarnation, I cannot really believe in the least that David would be using his ipod to communicate. LOL.

I put some of his ashes in Lisa's labyrinth. That felt right. But I never expected to do that.

So many things I never expected to do. I say and write that over and over. And Lisa asked if we ever talked about life after one of us was dead. I don't know how anyone can talk about that. Not really. If for no other reason, we all want to hold on to the image of life for as long as we can. Besides, what could we have said.

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