I wonder if I had it to do over what I would do with Julia. Should I have kept her home longer? Probably. I don't know if I could have done it through all of her behaviors, but ideally, I think that would have benefited her. At least for another year. I don't believe that I would have gotten any further than her dedicated teachers at Franklin in Julia's learning, but seeing her ready for school now I realize how unready she had been. She has been so far behind her age peers. And although she is still not caught up in any way (except for art), I can see her road. Finally.
For me, this qualifies as a miracle.
I, on the other hand, continue in a downward spiral. I have no resilience. No bounce in my ball. I missed a clinic meeting this morning because I did not have the correct address, I got my rejection from the IA lab that I hoped to work for, the didn't do dishes last night -- it doesn't matter. I find my self reeling out of control. I expended a lot of energy at the beginning of the week for PTO and I am still exhausted -- but not amount of sleep helps. I am depleted. I know this is just a phase, another wave of grief, but man, is it a bear and could not be more inconvenient.
I will get through this. I will make another date for clinic and I will figure out a project for myself, and I hope that one day, I will regain a bit of the resilience that I have carried most of my life.