23 September 2010

I should be folding clothes but . . . .

Two things happened today and one yesterday. I don't know whether to call it synchronicity, or just the return of letting some needs and wishes out to the universe. This is not magical thinking, but comings together -- needs being met.

I have been wanting to participate in another group, as I am studying groups in the LEND program. Today, I was asked to by the Franklin-Randall representative to a Parent Council that the school board is putting together.

I had asked Marilyn, our attachment therapist, about idea for my LEND project last week. And today, all I could think about was getting a reading list together to point me in some direction. When we arrived at therapy today, Marilyn has books and articles for me.

And one of my LEND leadership goals is to get more comfortable talking to groups. Two days ago, I was asked to do a 15 minute presentation about living with a child with autism for our class tomorrow. I arranged pictures for a short power point and thought about what I'd say. No one else has talked about adoption and disability, and it is not covered in our course work, but the profs and instructors are excited to explore those ideas.

I do need some help from the universe these days. I need to keep eyes and ears open for opportunity. After all, I have no idea of where I am going with these interests or what I will be doing in a year. I am not talking about fate or predestination, just about gentle nudges and possibilities.

Tomorrow would have been David's birthday. Another special day. Right now, I am feeling that I've had too many days of note recently. I am tired of mourning special days. But no one will say happy birthday to David tomorrow. I will not see him smile or snarl. Julia will not make a card and Cheshire will not call. It makes me so sad, but no more sad that I am every day. The sadness is seeping deeper and deeper inside and at least for now, I cannot feel more than I am always feeling. If that makes any sense.

Tomorrow, I go to school for most of the day. I will present to the class. I will come home and get ready to leave for a weekend at an Indiana cabin of friends. I will try to drive a few hours tomorrow after Julia's therapy. By the time we stop for the night, I should be tired and I will sleep. And it will be another day.

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