Julia works on memory with her therapists. They play memory games, turning over cards to find matches which is an especially good game if it is with dinosaur cards. Julia is asked each day to name three or four things that they did together that day. This talk about what she did a few hours or minutes ago has not come easily. How much in the present this child has lived. They say -- and it is the experts here, those who know about trauma and neglect -- say perhaps there was nothing to remember, perhaps memory would only serve to re-traumatize the child. And so those nooks and crannies of the brain where memories are stored are empty or blocked or they have never developed at all. For Julia, however, there are now scores of games and walks and bounces on the trampoline and white cake with chocolate icing making impressions. Creating the nooks that will store all there is to her life. I will endeavor to fills those nooks with the sweet of life now.
And talk to her more.
It is not that I don't talk to Julia. I talk all the time, but I fear that I am not sharing my days with her. She at least heard about my day and David's day when we sat down to dinner each night. But these days, I am exhausted at the end of the day and not inclined to recite my doings to someone who does not offer response.
but I will because I need to do it. Julia needs the modeling that it can provide. And so . . .
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