25 January 2010

How are you doing?

For the first time tonight, Julia asked me how I was feeling.

Wow.

We -- we being David and I and our legion of therapists -- have been working for a long time on conversations with Julia. We can now ask Julia questions and except for the question "Why" she will usually answer. Julia can start talking about something that interests her, usually dinosaurs, and we can ask questions about that topic and she will answer. We can usually ask follow up questions as well. But Julia doesn't ask questions about other people. She will ask practical things -- like when is dinner, or when are we going home -- or fantastical things -- like why can't T-Rexes fly? or Does Julia Squirrel eat bugs? -- but having a conversation where say, I ask about her day and she asks about mine never happens. She does occasionally ask about where Daddy is when he is at work or away from us. But this does not start a conversation, she only wants the answer so that she can move on to the next activity or thing of interest.

Now, I know she is a kid and I know kid conversation, but having kid conversations is one of the things that I do really miss. I have them with other kids at her school, I remember them from Cheshire and the other kids I've known. Talking "with" Julia is like talking to a kid with Aspergers syndrome. She rambles on talking about her interests and expecting that her listeners will do just that.

So tonight when she was finished with therapy and I came downstairs to hang out with her and she asked me how I was doing, I answered that I was fine and asked her how she was. She game me her answer for for a split second, I did not realize that something special had just occurred.

And then, I did.

7 comments:

Snickerdoodle said...

BIG!!!


:)

Traci said...

YEA!!!!

Sara said...

What a sweet girl!!

Adelaide Dupont said...

Wow.

And she did always care about your feelings, she just didn't know how to show it.

(Of course this is a terrible presumption to make about another person).

Adelaide Dupont said...

Postscript:

or really another journey.

Do you often talk to kids on the spectrum?

(Just wanted to know whether it came from a theory place).

And the great thing about people on the spectrum asking "How are you" is that they expect authentic answers.

(ie: How are you isn't just a noise that somebody makes to smooth stuff over).

Suz said...

Adelaide,

I talk to some kids on the spectrum, but admittedly most of my kid experience is with NTs. And it is true with Julia, she does want to know what she asks about, and she doesn't tell lies -- except when she doesn't listen to questions and I don't think that counts. LOL>

suzanne

Adelaide Dupont said...

Smile right up to the eyes, and the eyes are tearing here.

No, I don't think the 'not listening' counts.

(Unless, of course, it is an 'altered state of consciousness').